God is Happy.

He wants us to be happy, too.

God is Tender.

In the scriptures we find many stories of our Savior. We see the way He interacted with others, the way He loved and cared for those around Him and the way He blessed, served and gave to all. The more I read of Him the more I feel His love. I can just see Him in my mind... walking throughout the land. He is strong, fearless, clean, smart, kind, loving and ever so tender in every move He makes and every word He speaks. He lived His mortal life serving, giving, loving and praying for others. He lives His eternal life doing the exact same things. I have no doubt He still serves, gives, loves and prays for each and every one of us. He knows the heavy burdens we are carrying. He knows how to lift them off our shoulders. He knows how to comfort our souls and heal our hearts. He lived and died and lives again for one simple reason... To lift us up.

God is Potential.
Being a mom is teaching me a lot. But one of the greatest things it has helped me understand is God's role as our Father. I have always known He is my father, but my understanding of what it really means grows each day. As a mom I know my daughter better than anyone else in the world. I know her strengths, her weaknesses, her loves and hates. When there is something she thinks she can't do, I can see the big picture and help her know she can do it. Or, when there is something she can't do or shouldn't do, I can see the big picture and help her know her limits. I am here to encourage her and love her and help her understand her potential. But God is the Creator of that potential. He is the Father of us all and HE is our greatest potential. There are many different things we can teach our children, but the one that matters most is their potential to become like God. Because He is their potential for good, for growth and for happiness. He is the potential within us all and no matter how many times we fall or how insignificant we may feel, He is our Father. 
He loves us. And that will never change.

Yesterday I mowed my lawn. I even broke a small sweat. It's mid December. How weird.

I LOVE warm weather.

As for most everyone, life is busy and crazy this wonderful time of year. There are so many festivities and projects and things to accomplish. Hence the lack of posting. But God is still on my mind and I love thinking of Him each day and reminding myself what truly matters. Here are some of my thoughts.

God is Light.

 I have never liked the dark. I remember once hiking in a cave and the guide shutting of the power once we were at the deepest point... it was pitch black. Blacker than any black I have ever experienced. I held my hand in front of my face and couldn't see it. It was absolutely creepy. I couldn't help but think of the scriptures that share what it was like at the time of Christ's death. 3 days of darkness. Complete darkness. What a perfect symbol. Then looking back at His birth, the sign of the star. The Light of this world had been born. Another perfect symbol. Christ truly is our Light. Not only physically and mortally did he shine the way, but spiritually and emotionally He shines into the dark corners of our hearts and minds and lights the path of all who follow Him. He is the way, the truth and the light. (John 14:6)

God is Power. 

Lightning and thunder always bring a reminder that I am just so small. 

As I sat in my driveway and watched the light streak across the sky and the thunder rumble through the air, fear of being so small crept into my thoughts. There are storms that take lives, damage homes and cities and leave people hopeless and alone. Then there are storms of hate and anger, sickness and death, loneliness and fear, sin and temptation, instability and loss, broken homes and broken hearts. There are storms raging all throughout the world. But God is above it all. He is the Creator of this earth and all the elements are under His care. Whatever storms may rage, He has the power to calm.

God is Peace.

A lot of people I love have been facing a lot of things. Sometimes I wish I could just grab all their problems and throw them out the door. Sometimes I wish we didn't need to experience trials and pain. And though I know it's for our own good...I sure don't like seeing people I love hurt. But I am grateful for a God who offers peace to all. He came into this world to bring us peace. A peace that only He can give and a peace that covers all. All pain, all sorrow, all heartache, all sin.

God is Forgiveness.

I once heard a story that changed my life. I have always known that God is forgiving and as I follow Him He will forgive my sins. But the longer I live the more I want to become like Him. The more I want to be forgiving. I think forgiving is one of the hardest things to do. Not just saying sorry or that it's okay, but actually forgiving. Letting go. Not holding against. Not hurting or taking offense to what someone has done. God is the only way we can achieve this. He can change our hearts. He can help us let go. He can help us forgive.

The Story that changed my life:
excerpted from “I’m Still Learning to Forgive” by Corrie ten Boom.

“It was in a church in Munich that I saw him—a balding, heavyset man in a gray overcoat, a brown felt hat clutched between his hands. People were filing out of the basement room where I had just spoken, moving along the rows of wooden chairs to the door at the rear. It was 1947 and I had come from Holland to defeated Germany with the message that God forgives.

“It was the truth they needed most to hear in that bitter, bombed-out land, and I gave them my favorite mental picture. Maybe because the sea is never far from a Hollander’s mind, I liked to think that that’s where forgiven sins were thrown. ‘When we confess our sins,’ I said, ‘God casts them into the deepest ocean, gone forever. …’

“The solemn faces stared back at me, not quite daring to believe. There were never questions after a talk in Germany in 1947. People stood up in silence, in silence collected their wraps, in silence left the room.

“And that’s when I saw him, working his way forward against the others. One moment I saw the overcoat and the brown hat; the next, a blue uniform and a visored cap with its skull and crossbones. It came back with a rush: the huge room with its harsh overhead lights; the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor; the shame of walking naked past this man. I could see my sister’s frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. Betsie, how thin you were!

[Betsie and I had been arrested for concealing Jews in our home during the Nazi occupation of Holland; this man had been a guard at Ravensbruck concentration camp where we were sent.]

“Now he was in front of me, hand thrust out: ‘A fine message, Fräulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea!’

“And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course—how could he remember one prisoner among those thousands of women?

“But I remembered him and the leather crop swinging from his belt. I was face-to-face with one of my captors and my blood seemed to freeze.

“‘You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk,’ he was saying, ‘I was a guard there.’ No, he did not remember me.

“‘But since that time,’ he went on, ‘I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fräulein,’ again the hand came out—’will you forgive me?’

“And I stood there—I whose sins had again and again to be forgiven—and could not forgive. Betsie had died in that place—could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking?

“It could not have been many seconds that he stood there—hand held out—but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.

“For I had to do it—I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. ‘If you do not forgive men their trespasses,’ Jesus says, ‘neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.’

“I knew it not only as a commandment of God, but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war I had had a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality. Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that.

“And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion—I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. ‘… Help!’ I prayed silently. ‘I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.’

“And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.

“‘I forgive you, brother!’ I cried. ‘With all my heart!’

“For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely, as I did then” 

God is Strength.

Not only does God give us reasons to keep going, 

He also gives us the strength to do so.

December 6th, 2012

God is Love. Perfect Love.

Today they played a song on the radio that I had never heard before. It was absolutely beautiful. I got to my destination and actually waited in the car until the song finished. Then I just sat quietly. Pondering that precious, little baby that came into this world over 2,000 years ago. That baby was our God. Our King. Our Savior. And yet, He was a baby. A precious, innocent, perfect baby born into this imperfect, cold and often dark world. And He was here for one reason... US. He was here because He loves us perfectly, completely and eternally. He was here to save us. He came to teach us, bless us, atone for us, die for us and rise again... all for us. Not one moment of His life was for Him. Not one moment of His sufferings or death was for His own sake. It was ALL for us. Can we even begin to fathom that kind of love? 

That sacred night God gave us the greatest give He could have ever given. 

His Son. Years later came another most sacred night. Christ gave us the greatest gift He could have ever given. His Perfect Life.

These 2 scriptures come to mind.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

John 3:16

"Greater love hath no man than this, 

that a man lay down his life for his friends." 

John 15:13

There is NO greater love than the perfect love God offers to us. He already loves us. He always has. He always will. And if we accept that love, our hearts and lives will be changed forever. We will experience all the joy and beauty this life and eternity have to offer. 

To you who read this post, I pray this night for you. I pray you will feel His Perfect Love. I pray you will know He came here just for you. I pray your heart will be healed, your faith will be strengthened and your love for life and God will increase. Please let go of any fear or frustration or pain you have ever felt. Let God take the load. That is why He came. Because He loves you so and wants to give you hope. All that is good, all that is right and true and real... 

it all comes from Him. And that is the gift He came here to offer you. 

Please... feel His Love. His Perfect Love for you.

Here With Us - Joy Williams

(When I searched for the song I found this video on You Tube.)

I always like to do something special for the month of December. Now that I have a child, it is all the more fun and exciting. This month we have decided to start something called "Jesus Is..." My daughter is still very young, but I wanted to find ways to teach her about Christmas, our Savior and what is so special about this time of year. So each night after scripture study we take just a few minutes to teach her one thing about Jesus. One night we showed her a picture of Mary holding baby Jesus and taught her that Jesus was a baby and He came here because He loves us. One night we showed her cut outs of the Nativity and taught her that the wisemen and shepherds came to see Him and that the animals were there, too. Through the month we plan to pick one attribute of our Savior each day and teach her who Jesus Is. For example, Jesus is Love. Jesus is Happy. Jesus is Kind. A simple and fun way to help her know who He is. Though this activity was intended to help and teach my daughter, I'm not surprised at how much it is affecting me. As I take time each day to think of all the wonderful things our Savior is, I find myself gaining a stronger testimony of His goodness and love and the blessings He brings to my life. So I decided to start my own little journal of what He is to me. I call this one "God Is..." Though I know that my Father in Heaven and Savior Jesus Christ are 2 separate beings, what they stand for is the same. I'm excited for this wonderful time of year and the opportunity I have to refocus and dig deeper and recognize their Power and Love and Blessings in my life. I plan to document some of my thoughts here, 

so follow along if you wish!

Merry Christmas Season to You All!

  Here are my entries from the past few days.

God Is...

December 1st, 2012

God is Personal

Today I had a special experience that reminded me just how personal God is with each and every one of us. How deeply He knows and understands us. He doesn't just know me, but He knows EVERYONE in this world. He is completely aware of what we need, what we want and how we need His help. He truly is our friend and lives to lift us up.

December 2nd, 2012

God is Answers to our Prayers

I believe we often don't see or even recognize the answers to our prayers. Most times the answers don't come in ways that we expect. But sometimes the answers are very clear to see. Today I'm grateful for the answer I received to a very simple prayer.

We had some friends over to watch the 1st Presidency Christmas Devotional. One of our friends is a newly baptized member of our church and this was a wonderful chance for her to get to hear from our Prophet and learn more about what we believe. I really wanted it to be a good experience for her. She arrived at our home and brought with her a very cute, but unhappy little baby (that she was babysitting for the evening.) I was excited to have another little one join us. I LOVE babies. As the devotional started the baby was having a hard time calming down. I was hopeful I could help and asked if I could hold him. As she handed him off I said a silent prayer that he would relax and stay calm for the rest of the evening. After a few minutes he calmed down, but I could tell he wasn't relaxed. Then my little girl started pulling on my skirt and I became worried that she would be jealous and want me to hold her (which normally is the case). So I said another prayer that she would be happy and not cause any distractions. The devotional continued and the Spirit could be felt. Then came time for our Prophet to speak. My daughter was tired and I was worried she would start fussing and the baby became more restless. I said another little prayer that they would both stay calm and handed my daughter her blanket and repositioned the baby. As our prophet started to speak, my daughter laid on the floor and silently listened. The baby relaxed on my shoulder and seemed to be asleep. There was absolutely no distractions as we listened to Him speak and sang the closing song. I was shocked. My heart was touched and I had NO DOUBT that my prayers had been heard and God had blessed us. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of love and the watchful care that came from my Father above. I know He is watching over us and in the big things and the small things, He always hears our prayers.

December 3rd, 2012

God is Patient

Today was one of those days. Not a bad day, nothing went wrong. But something inside of me was just off. Call it hormones or lack of sleep or whatever...but I was not feeling at all good about myself. One of those feel ugly, stupid, pointless type of days. Most women know exactly what I mean. Anyways - point is, I didn't feel awesome. As the day came to a close I realized my daughter had been happy all day, which I'm assuming is rare for any 19 month old toddler. She hadn't thrown any fits or screamed at me or begged to watch movies or go 'bye bye'. She had laughed and played and given me loves and entertained herself a lot of the day. THIS IS NOT A USUAL OCCURRENCE. Actually, I'm not sure it has ever happened in her life! Because of my unhappy feelings inside, my initial reaction to this realization is that I am a terrible mom. I shouldn't have felt so down, I should have given her more attention and so on and so on and so on. But as I thought about it more, I knew it wasn't a coincidence that she had been so happy today. I felt a calm assurance inside that God was watching out for me and had blessed me through the goodness of my own little toddler. He knew how I felt. He knew what I needed and gave it to me in a way that I almost didn't see. I'm so grateful for His never ending patience and the many times He stands by me even when I'm down for no reason at all!

December 4th, 2012

God is Good

This Saturday we are having our church Christmas Party. It is going to be awesome. Anyone is invited, so let me know if you want to come and I can give you the info! Anyways - The Theme is "A Night in Bethlehem." We are creating the city of Bethlehem and eating food and playing games just like in the days of Christ. And there will be beautiful musical numbers and a reenaction of the Nativity. It has taken a lot of work from a lot of people and has been a neat experience just in the preparing. One thing we were concerned about is the food. Come Sunday we didn't have enough people signed up to help and we were concerned we may not have enough. So we sent out emails in hopes that people would reply and be able to help. I soon received emails from women in the ward asking what we needed and offering to help out. Some of them willing to bring way more than their fair share. I was really impressed. They didn't care what we asked them to bring or how much they needed to prepare, they were just happy to help. I felt the Spirit of Christmas in their willingness to serve. The Spirit of caring and giving and expecting nothing in return. I felt blessed to be surrounded by wonderful people. I felt blessed to be touched by the goodness of others. God is good. When we follow Him by loving and serving, His goodness not only fills our hearts, but it blesses the lives of all those around us.

December 5th, 2012

God is Change

Though God is unchanging Himself, He is the change we can find in ourselves. There are times in life when I've hit a wall. Or a pit. Or a hump. Or something that I feel is keeping me from progressing or being completely happy. No matter what I do to change or get around the wall or through the pit or over the hump, I cannot do it on my own. I find that through prayer and pleading and true desire and effort, God blesses me with the ability to change. HE changes my heart. HE changes my feelings. HE is 'the way, the truth and the life' as stated in John 14:6. He has helped me over the walls, through the pits and around the humps over and over again. I'm grateful He came into this world to show me the way, and more importantly, to provide a way for me to change.

Over the weekend we found another friend. Or should I say, enemy.

This is the 2nd time we have had a mouse in our house and I was MUCH more prepared to handle the situation. I had been gone for the evening and when I got home my husband told me he had seen another mouse. We knew where it was and I told him to stand guard while I created the trap. I laid out our sticky sheets and lined them up the wall (so he couldn't crawl on the molding like the last one). We were out of goldfish so I lined the trap with Frosted Flakes. That seemed enticing.

Then we watched and waited. 

Within 2 minutes he darted across the floor and

 BAM!

 He headed for the biggest pile of cereal and planted himself right on the trap. He wasn't near as smart as the last mouse.

 

 I was grateful my husband was home this time and my job ended here.

A fair warning to all gross creatures who enter my home:

You will not survive.

I remember being in elementary and learning how to spell the word friend.

If you Fri your Friend, that's the End.

That's what my teacher taught.

I have thought about the many things I am grateful for throughout the month of November. As I look back over my life there are a lot of people that I really love. I have met so many wonderful people in the past ten years and am grateful for what they have done for me and how their friendship has blessed my life. But I want to give a big shout out to the dear friends I grew up with, survived middle school with and partied through high school with.
You have a special place in my heart. 

We face so many tough things as teenagers and I personally believe that in these tender years, the people we call 'friends' have a greater affect on the path we take than almost anything else that surrounds us. They can tear us down or lift us up. And true friends, lift us up. I'm grateful for the true friends I was surrounded by and the different ways they each blessed my life. They helped me know who I was, accepted me for all that I wasn't and gave me strength when times got rough. I remember best friend necklaces and fights, sharing lockers and crushes, passing notes and sleepovers, basketball practice and games, trips to Lake Powell and Friday night football. All the projects and assemblies, early mornings and all-nighters and the many special experiences I'll always remember.

I look forward to the times I get to visit old friends and am grateful each day for the person they helped me become and the good memories we share.
Thank you for being my friend!
I love you all.

Today I met a wonderful person, who knows another wonderful person, who could really use our support and prayers. Please donate if you can.

For anyone who is interested in helping and doesn't live in Ohio, they are also accepting through paypal by gifting the donation to TeamHeatherG@yahoo.com

 

As I crawled into bed I glanced at the clock. 1:14am. "I've got to start getting to bed earlier," I thought to myself. I gave my sleeping husband a tight squeeze, whispered my love and turned back on my side. I laid there thinking about my day. Things I had accomplished and things I wanted to improve drifted through my mind. I distant rumble of thunder echoed through the dark. Then came the pitter-patter of rain dropping from the sky. First it was slow, then it got faster. Then it got louder. I love the sound of rain. I love rain. I love the way it makes me want to stay inside and cuddle on the couch and be with the ones I love. I love when it's warm enough to splash and play in the puddles and pools it creates. I love the way it drenches the earth and washes the streets and colors the grass and trees. I love how it makes everything feel fresh and new.

I'm glad that tomorrow I have another day. Another day to try harder and be better and share life with the people I love. Another day to live and breath and work and play and dance and sing and lift someone in need. Another day. What a blessing it is to have another day.

5 years ago today... it happened. 

I finally got engaged.

I say finally for two reasons. #1: Since I was a little girl I couldn't wait to be married and now that was actually happening. #2: I had been waiting all week (and months) for him to pop the question. Here's how the story goes.

May 2007

A group of 4 guys move into my ward. They caught my attention.

I bore my testimony in church and Cameron said to Rick, 

"You should date that girl."

That night I figured I would introduce myself and showed up on their door step. Spent over an hour talking with Cameron, Rick popped into the room and silently watched as Cameron and I chatted. Then he and Barney played "Nothing Else Matters" on the guitar and cello. Impressive.

That month a couple of them started hanging out with my group of friends...mostly playing volleyball. One day we were going to a movie and I invited Rick to join us. He only came for the dinner part and I was bummed he didn't stay longer. Guess I must have had some feelings for him. For the next couple weeks we starting hanging out more and quickly became a couple.

One night my family was going to Boondocks and I took Rick with me. As we spent time with my family I felt he fit right in. I thought we would get married. It just felt good.

May - August 2007

We dated and I wanted to spend every waking moment with Rick. He was leaving for Med School in August and I was ready to move things forward, even though we had only known each other for 2 months. He liked me, but wasn't sure he wanted to spend every waking minute with me. We definitely had our differences! And those difference didn't make it easy. Actually...they caused a break up. Yup! 3 weeks before leaving Rick broke up with me. It was weird because I had felt great about marrying the guy, but when we broke up I was doing just fine. If he didn't want me, I didn't want him! I moved forward and that was that. I was actually surprised at how happy and fine I was.

3 weeks later the real drama started. The day before he was to leave, he knocked on my door. He told me what he was feeling and basically, he missed me and thought he wanted me back. One problem, he was moving across the country. Our conversation wasn't super long and I was left on edge. Did he want me to be his girlfriend? Did he want to marry me? What did I want? I had felt good about marrying him, felt good about moving forward without him and I was going crazy. And that was my answer. I wouldn't have been going crazy inside if I didn't still have feelings for him. I definitely still cared about him, wanted him to be happy and was sad he would be moving across the country, alone, and I wouldn't be able to be there for him. Anyways - the next few days were insane (emotionally). All the ups and downs hit. I was excited he was calling me and talking to me for hours everyday (he is NOT a talker.) I was mad he came back but still wasn't sure what he wanted. I was excited he was wanting to be back, I was hopeful this was it. But was I? I just had no idea what I was really feeling and it was a crazy few days. I finally told him that I needed to see him if this was going to work. He said he was planning to come visit over Labor Day weekend. That made me excited. So for the month of August we talked everyday and started dating again...via Skype.

September-November 2007

Labor day weekend arrived and I was SO excited to see Rick. I wondered what it would be like though, seeing as last time we were together we weren't 'together.' This time our first kiss came after a few hours, rather than a few weeks...and yes, it was good. It didn't take long at all to feel right back in place. And by the end of the week it was like we had never broken up. We actually even talked about possible months to get married, seeing as I was about to graduate and he was in school with almost no flexibility. So here we went again! The next couple months we had plenty of dates on Skype and enjoyed being creative in how to do more than just talk, since we were now dating long distance. We played a lot of games of Yahtzee and Zilch by web cam. Once again I was ready to get married...but he wasn't quite there. There were the normal ups and downs of a relationship and we had a good time. Nothing about this relationship was easy or convenient...yet it all felt so natural and easy to me. I was able to visit him in October...and of course, hoped for a ring. I was pretty certain that is where I wanted to go. And after our visit in October, I knew it's where I wanted to go. As I sat on the plane flying home, I remember feeling like I was leaving home behind because Rick was now my home. I wrote:

"The weekend was so awesome. I truly feel like a couple. I feel like part of each of us is missing, being apart. It's crazy, right now I want to get up and dance and lay down and cry all at the same time! I am so happy and grateful for all I have - I am so grateful for this amazing opportunity to love and be loved."

I guess you could say I was ready. Ready to be engaged, ready to be married. Ready to be with him.

Thanksgiving rolled around and Rick was coming to visit. We had talked about getting engaged and we knew it would take place while he was in town. The day after he came in we went ring shopping. I narrowed it down to 2 and let him make the decision. We left the store and I didn't know which he was getting (though I had a pretty good idea) and when he would pick it up. The week went by and nothing had happened. He was flying out Sunday morning and I was getting a little anxious. And honestly, kinda frustrated he hadn't popped the question so we could be an engaged couple while he was here. But I trusted he would ask, even if it was as he walked onto his plane. Saturday morning came and I got a call from his cell phone at 6am. He had just thrown up. I thought, "This must be the day." All day long he didn't feel well. We went to a BYU Football Game and gave a walk through of the apartment I was trying to sell and actually even went to the studio for a photo shoot I was working on. I eventually wondered if it was going to happen. Finally, at about 11pm he asked if we could head back to Salt Lake, since we were in Provo, and we were staying with my parents in Salt Lake. I wrapped it up and we headed out. Earlier that day he had realized he had his brother's keys by accident (from when we had visited) and we had decided on our way home from Provo we would drop them off. So around 11:30pm I was sitting in his brothers driveway, ringless, as he ran in to drop off the keys and say goodbye. As we got closer to my house he asked if we could stop somewhere...a place I had told him before was a place I always went to be alone and just think. And of course, I knew why. So we got to this beautiful overlook of the Salt Lake Valley and he popped in a CD and asked me to dance. So we looked over the valley and danced to a beautiful and special song. The song ended and he got down on his knee. And finally, he asked me to marry him. I don't actually remember what I said, probably something like "Yes!" and "Finally!" and excitedly let him put on the ring. And yes, it was the one I wanted most. It was just after midnight as we got to my parents house and I ran in to find my mom reading on the couch. I showed her the ring and my dad came out to join the commotion and I called my sisters. We were all so excited. First thing in the morning I took Rick to the airport. Though I was sad to have him go, it felt different knowing we would only have to say Goodbye a few more times.

I must say, for all the waiting I did, it has definitely been worth the wait.

I love Rick with all my heart and soul and life and energy. I didn't realize then what an amazing man he is. He is strong and loyal and patient and loving and so different than me, in so many wonderful ways. I am extremely grateful for so many things that he is or does, but in the past few months I have gained so much appreciation and admiration for his desire and ability to work. Not only does he work hard and long to provide for our family, but he comes home and works hard and long to be a good husband and father. And he most certainly is. He has not only loved me and been my companion and friend, but he has given me the chance to live my greatest dream, to be a wife and mother.

I'm glad we met, dated, broke up, got back together...and finally got engaged so we could start our life together!

Just Engaged - November 2007

I'm grateful for the Good in the Bad.

I can't say that I'm grateful for the hard things in life. If there was a way around them, I would definitely be taking it! But, I am grateful for all the good that comes from the bad. The bad days and long hours and dark times I have experienced really have been for my good. There are plenty of mistakes I wish I could throw out and plenty of situations I would rather forget. There are plenty of hard times I wish I could swerve around and pass by untouched. 

But those are the times in life I have truly come closer to God and started becoming the person I want to be. 

Life is hard, but life is good. And I'm grateful that even when it's not so good, I have a family that loves me and a God that understands me so when times are rough there is still so much good to enjoy.

And I'm really glad that my parents gave me this train for Christmas several years ago. Because my daughter loves it.

I'm grateful for Food.

As I prepare my Yams on this Thanksgiving Eve I can't help but be grateful for food. Not only food, but good food. As a child I was a very picky eater and there are still a lot of foods I really don't like. But, there sure are a lot of foods I really do like and I'm glad to live in a day when food is so readily available. Whenever I drive through farm land...aka the middle of nowhere...I always think about all the farmers in the world. Not only the farmers, but the people who prepare the food and package the food and drive it across the country or world, just so I can go to the store and buy it anytime I want. It's pretty amazing how that works. Thank you to all the people that make that possible!

As a teenager I had a pretty cool experience that made me appreciate how easy we have it now days. Our church does something called Pioneer Trek. Every 4 years teenagers 14-18 get to take a few days to live a pioneer life. Literally. We left behind clothes and toothbrushes and food and treats and everything. I wore a pioneer dress and apron and bonnet...and was allowed one extra dress. That was it. Then we hiked several miles a day pulling a handcart and slept on the ground under the stars. I remember the first day we hiked 18 miles. When we arrived to our camp it was dark and chilly. The stars were beautiful. I was given a small cup of stew (normally not my type of thing,) but I really wanted seconds. It tasted so good. Then each morning we would make cracked wheat and for lunch have a few carrots and a roll or something like that. And it was AMAZING. I must admit, I loved having an excuse to not shower or do my hair for a few days (though we did 

Pioneer Trek with my sisters and dad

wash our hair in a river once.) I had several incredible experiences in those few days, which are stories for another time. But one experience I especially loved was our Turkey dinner. It was no ordinary dinner. They had gathered a bunch of wild turkeys into a fenced area and we had to catch it, kill it, pluck it, de-gut it, clean it and cook it. We had been divided into groups and most my group didn't want to do it. So me and another girl ran around chasing the Turkeys until we caught one. Then her and I and one other boy sat on the Turkey while another boy chopped it's head off. And yes, there was blood on my dress the rest of the Trek. And yes, teenage boys do cry. It was a pretty tough experience for some of the boys who had to chop off the head. And holding it was no walk in the park either. I remember hearing him chop and I think I counted 7 chops to get the head separated from the neck. I felt the warm blood hit me and the Turkey wiggle under my body. Poor guy. It almost felt wrong holding him down and taking his life. Alot of us felt that way. But it taught us more about the circle of life and how it really all works. Then came the fun part. Again, nobody in my group wanted to de-gut the bird, so another girl and I got the job. I will never forget sticking my hand into the hole we had created and feeling the warm insides of that dead animal. Pulling them out was pretty sweet though. The one part I didn't like was plucking the feathers. They were so tough to get out! Definitely got my work out for the day! After preparing the turkey we wrapped it in a shirt, threw it in a big pit and cooked it. Turkey has never tasted as good as it did that night. I felt like it was the first real food I had eaten in a few days, and it was so rewarding to have actually prepared my own food. Not from the store or a restaurant...but caught and killed and cleaned and cooked all with my own hands.

I've always been grateful to have been born in this day. There are so many luxuries we enjoy that we don't even think about. Food is just one of them that I am grateful to have. And as I sit around the table tomorrow, I will give thanks for the Turkey that was so easily thawed and prepared.

P.S. Here's a recipe for a fun Thanksgiving dessert.

Pumpkin Cheesecake

Prepare and bake a crumb crust in an 8 in. springform or cake pan.  (Or you can buy a store prepared crumb crust...)

Have all ingredients at room temperature, about 70 degrees F.  Place a loaf pan or cake pan filled with hot water in the oven to moisten the air.  Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Combine in a small bowl:
 2/3 c. packed brown sugar
 3/4 tsp. cinnamon
 1/4 tsp. ground cloves
 1/4 tsp. ground ginger
 1/8 tsp. grated or ground nutmeg

Beat in a large bowl just until smooth, for 30-60 sec.:
  1 pound (2 8 oz. packages) cream cheese
 and gradually add the sugar mixture and beat until smooth and creamy, 1-2 min.

Beat in one at a time until well blended, scraping the sides of the bowl and the beaters after each addition:
  2 large eggs
  2 large egg yolks

Add and beat in just until mixed:
  1 cup canned or cooked pumpkin

Scrape the batter into the crust and smooth the top.
Set the pan on a baking sheet.
Bake for 30 min. at 350 degrees F, then reduce the oven temperature to 325 degrees F and bake until the edges of the cheesecake are puffed but the center still looks moist and jiggles when the pan is tapped (about 10-15 minutes more).

Meanwhile, whisk together until well blended:
  1 1/2 c. sour cream
  1/3 c. packed light brown sugar
  1 tsp. vanilla

Scrape on top of the hot cake and smooth with a spatula.  Return to the oven for 7 minutes.  Remove the pan to a rack and cover the pan and rack with a large inverted bowl or pot so that the cake cools slowly.  Let cool completely before unmolding.  Cover and refrigerate for at least 6 hours.

I'm grateful for Work.

There are so many benefits from hard work. Depending on what you are working for, the benefits are different. But overall, anytime we work, we get something out of it. We learn, we grow, we are strengthened and stretched and pushed to new limits. We become greater and stronger and better. I think of the times in life when I really work hard for something and how rewarding it was to finally reach my goal, or finish my project. It always feels good.

I love working hard physically and getting dirty and sweaty and feeling the ache of hard worked muscles. I played basketball in High School and I hated conditioning. I didn't like the workouts...and even more, I didn't like the aches and pains that came with them. But after a few days of lifting or running, the ache faded away and my body felt stronger. Studying was also something I didn't love doing. But how awesome it felt when I learned something new or solved a problem I previously didn't understand. I felt smarter and more capable of doing hard things. Each time I work I feel more in control of myself and my life. I'm grateful for the body I have been given and the many wonderful things it allows me to do. There are a lot of things I'm not very good at, but I'm grateful for the chance I have to work each day and learn from my own personal experience and hard work.

I think the greatest reward of work is not what we get from it, but what we become from it. The harder we work the more we forget about ourselves and focus on the people and world around us. I believe hard work is one of the greatest ways we find happiness because as we improve upon ourselves we are more self-reliant, more disciplined, better prepared to solve problems and have the ability to help and strengthen others. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf once said,

"Work is an antidote for anxiety, and ointment for sorrow, and a doorway to possibility." 

He also shared a really cool experience he had with the blessings of work.

I'm grateful for the work I've been given and the many ways it blesses my life, involves me with people and pushes me to try something new.

What a weekend! 

I love that I got to be with my family.

I'm extra grateful for Kisses & my Comfort Zone.

The past two days have been jam packed with work and errands and visits and church and Christmas decorating and pumpkin bread making and most importantly, time with my family. I'm grateful for all the chances I have to kiss my baby's warm cheeks and snuggle close with the ones I love most. 

I'm especially grateful for the comfort I feel within the walls of my home.

Oh, and my baby said some new words, some sentences and crawled! The crawling may not seem like much, but she has NEVER crawled before in her life. She did something we call 'The Stinkbug,' in which she would crawl around on her hands and feet, bum in the air, just like a stinkbug...but she has never actually crawled on her knees. I was at work when it happened and my husband text me saying she was crawling around the house. When I got home I said, "Can you crawl?" 

She got down on her hands and knees and showed me how she could crawl. Then she stood up, clapped and said, "Yea!" I would assume she is one of a few kids that crawled for the first time, then stood up and cheered for herself. 

To each his own.

  Saturday was a run around, crazy, fun day and ended with putting up our Christmas Tree. Sunday morning I got the chance to see my daughters face light up as she walked into the front room and shouted "Tree!" She stood and watched it for several minutes then pointed and said, "It's pretty!" (a word I have never heard her say) I can't even imagine what Christmas morning will be like. I can assure you I am more excited than ANYONE I know.

 Sunday was filled with church and visits, then came time to decorate the tree. We hadn't even eaten dinner and it was already past bedtime...so we pulled out our blanket, ate French Toast picnic style & got to decorating. I love listening to Christmas songs and filling the house with Christmas cheer. I have 36 days to enjoy it & that I will certainly do!

I'm grateful for His Perfect Ways.

If there is one thing I have learned in life, it's that God is Perfect. He knows exactly what we need, how we need it and when we need it, too. He knows what's best. I remember hearing the phrase when I was young, "Tell God your plans and He will laugh." I don't believe God ever laughs at us...but I don't doubt that He sometimes chuckles when we tell Him exactly how it ought to be or exactly how it should happen. I can't even count the times I have thought it would be a certain way or thought it should be a certain way, only to find that His way was SO much better. There are times in life I really struggle with His timing. For example, waiting longer than I wanted to get married, waiting longer than I wanted to have a baby, losing someone or something dear to me and just not wanting it to accept it was time. There are so many things I wish I could control, but I am so grateful I'm not the one in control. Because God is in control. And fortunately for all us, His ways are perfect. There are experiences we face that we can look back on and understand God's timing was perfect. There are others we may question or just don't really accept. But I have no doubt that God knows what's best. Not only that, He wants what's best for each and everyone of us. We will ALL face things that we question and don't like and wonder if we can even pull through. These are the times when our faith grows the most. If we trust God, HE will pull us through. Every single time. He will not only lead us and guide us, but comfort us and strengthen us. One of my favorite scriptures is found in John 11:35. It says, "Jesus wept." How powerful to know that our Lord and Savior, who was perfect in every way, wept when His friends were in pain. Wept for the loss they were feeling. He didn't tell them it was okay or expect them to get over it... He wept. He cried. He felt what they felt and hurt because they hurt. Most of the time when life doesn't end up the way we had hoped or expected, we hurt. We want answers and change and for everything to be different. And I'm grateful for a loving God who is aware of each and everyone of us, who knows exactly what we need and who is there to comfort and love us when we feel lost and alone, or simply just hurt. His ways are perfect. His love is perfect. I'm grateful that He is my God and that He's guiding my life. I hope I can have enough faith to trust in Him more and always remember that His ways are perfect.

Looks can be deceiving. 

This mess may look like a failure...but it was a great success! 

 

 Three nights in a row my daughter ate a good amount of her dinner! I must admit, I don't always love cleaning up the mess after a meal with an 18 month old, but I much prefer it when it means she ate well and fed herself! (The other kind is when she throws it on the floor and won't eat at all.) 

I'm grateful for the times my baby eats well!

I’m grateful for my Whole Family.

 My family is the most important part of my life.
They are who I am and where I want to end up. 

The greatest two parts of God’s plan are:
That we can all be forgiven and gain Eternal Life.
That our Families are Eternal if we make and keep our covenants.
I live everyday of my life in hopes to do all that is required of me to return to the presence of God and spend eternity with those I love. That will be Heaven. Without God and my Family, Heaven would not exist. My family started way before I came into this world and will continue on long after I have left. Today, I am particularly grateful for the whole gang. I have written about my husband and daughter, my parents and siblings...but another huge part of my heart is my nieces & nephews, my brother-in-laws and my Nordgren side. I love having so many people to love and so many people that love me back.

My Nieces & Nephews

It's been 17 years since I first became an aunt. Some of my fondest memories in life are because of these wonderful children. I remember taking my oldest nephew (as a baby) to my high school football games. I remember dancing with my newborn niece to the Christmas Box music, holding her close to keep her from crying. I remember Barney and Wiggles and Chicken Wuggets. I remember light sabers and sports and their funny little phrases. I remember birthdays and baptisms, recitals and programs. I remember wrestling and playing and just being crazy. I remember being Ashwee and letters and drawings. I remember moving away and missing them so deeply. I remember returning to visit, them all running to hug me. I remember their precious little faces and their tight little loves. I remember all the happiness they have brought to me and my family. And no matter how grown up they get, I hope they always know how
special they are to me.

The Guys

The day finally came when the boys outnumbered the girls. But we all know who's still in control. I'm so grateful for these men. I'm grateful each of my sister's has a wonderful friend to share life with. I'm so grateful they honor and protect the families they are creating. I'm grateful they hold the Priesthood. I'm grateful they will hang out with us and spend time as a family. I'm grateful for what they add to the group and for the respect and love they give to the people who mean so much to me.

The In-Laws

I feel very blessed to have married into such a wonderful family. I came from all girls and my husband came from all boys. What a mix! I love my in-laws. I love the sweetness of my mother-in-law and the wonderful spirit she brings in a family full of men. I love the strength of my father-in-law and they way he can fix anything that's broken. I love my brothers and sisters-in-law and the way we laugh together and that nothing can ever be serious. I love my new nieces and nephews and the excitement they bring to our gatherings and their creativity and imaginations. They too, are all my family. I thank them for loving me and accepting me and being the kind of in-laws I hoped they would be!

I'm grateful for Diversity.

I have often wondered if we put everyone in the world in a single file line, based on how they look, how many people would look like me? There have been a few times in my life when someone I know has said, "You have to meet this girl, she reminds me so much of you!" And once one of my really good friends said, "I saw someone on campus today and totally followed them calling your name. When she turned around I was shocked it wasn't you." 

I can't help but wonder what these people look like. Why do they look like me or remind someone of me? How do I look in real life? How do I look 3-dimensionally? If you think about it, we are the only ones who have never really seen ourselves. We see our reflection, or videos or pictures or hear our voice on a recording (I can't stand to hear my own voice.) But, I have always hoped I look better 3-dimensionally... and to anyone who feels the same,
I really think we do.

It's amazing that we are all made of skin and bone and muscle and fat and eyes and ears and mouths and noses and yet we all look so different. Anyways - I have just always wondered how many of us in the world really look pretty similar. But onto the subject of this post. Diversity. 

I love Diversity. I love how it makes the world go round. Sometimes I think about a world in which everyone was like me. Oh what a crazy place to be. We would all be talking all the time and there would never be a moment of sleep and we would be trapped in a big ball of intense highs and lows. It would be insane. But if the whole world was like my husband, it would be a world of non-emotional silence, with some guitar rock-outs here and there. (We joke about our differences quite often.) We are all so different...and we are all so needed. During the Presidential race I kept thinking, "Who would ever want to be President?" Because I sure don't. I know there are plenty of people who couldn't stand being home with a child all day, or taking pictures for a living, or spending even one hour doing the things I enjoy doing so much. And there are plenty of things in this world I don't want to do and even more things that I just couldn't do. In a world full of me's we wouldn't have ever been to the moon, ever had cell phones or computers or restaurants or music or plumbing or electricity or probably even clothes and food. There are so many things I am just not good at or just not interested in doing. But I am so glad that somebody else is. I am SO glad for all our modern-day luxuries of warm showers and indoor plumbing and roads that stretch for hundreds of miles and airplanes to take me to see my family and internet to keep us in touch and someone to fix my washing machine and someone to take away my garbage and someone to kill and package my food and so on and so on and so on. The list is never-ending. To everyone out there who does things that I just can't...THANK YOU! And to everyone who accepts me for who I am and let's me just be me...no matter how crazy or intense that may become, I thank you.
There is a reason we are all so different and I am sure glad we all are!

By the way, can you tell what this is?

 

It's a little frog man! 

 

I found him hanging out on my house today and poked him with my shoe and he didn't move, so I assumed he was dead. But how would he be stuck to my wall if he was dead? Obviously, he wasn't. But he seemed much more alive once he started moving! 

I'm grateful for Girl Time.

Tonight we had a get together with the Relief Society. It was awesome. My husband got home at a good hour and I was able to leave behind the mess from dinner and ride down with my friend to the island. I felt weird leaving the house without my diaper bag and child, but it sure was nice to be with other women and have some hands free hang out time! Not to mention all the good food I enjoyed. One thing I really love about girl time is that we get each other. We don't even have to finish our sentences before someone chimes in or nods their head in agreement or understanding. And normally, we can laugh at the crazy things we do and joke about the way men are so different from us. We can validate and understand each other in ways that men just cannot. And that feels good. There is no one I love talking to more than my husband...but it sure is nice to have some good ol' girl time every once in awhile. I almost felt like a teenager knocking on my own front door at 11:15pm after a fun night out.
Oh the joys of being a girl!

I'm grateful for people.
If I was the last person alive, I sure wouldn’t want to live very long! I love people. I love connections. I love relationships and what it does for my soul. I love how it gives me reason to live and to love and to forget my own problems. I love that people bring out different sides of me and I get the chance to know who I really am. There is nothing in this world that really matters, except for the people in our lives. Thank you to everyone who is a part of my life. Thank you for your love, support, honesty, care, time, energy, interest, smiles, hugs, trust, example, service and friendship. Thank you for anything and everything
you have ever done for me, no matter how big or small it may seem.
I appreciate you more than you know.

I'm grateful for the Holiday Season.

This morning I turned on some Christmas Hymns and man, did it make me miss home. I longed to be hanging out with my family, cozy and warm inside with the beautiful, white snow covering the ground and trees. The longer I am away from home, the more everything changes when I go back. But it isn't the roads and the buildings that make it home, it's the people. I love visiting Home. One pro about living away is that when I am there, I am totally there. No work or school or callings or anything to worry about, just being with the people I love most. And that's one reason I love the Holidays so much. To me Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's are all one big holiday season. November is a time to reflect and think of all the things I am grateful for and spend time with people I love. December is a time to focus on our Savior's birth, His life and the beautiful gifts He gives us. It's a time to serve and think about others and fill our homes with good music and create family traditions. New Year's is a time to recharge and focus on the year ahead, the changes I want to make and celebrate the year that just passed. Basically, it's one big party! I love the spirit of gratitude and love that spreads through the world this time of year. I love that it's November and the party is getting started!
Happy Holiday Season to you all!

I'm grateful for Cereal Boxes.

As a mom I am always trying to find cheap or free ways to not only entertain, but teach my daughter. That's why I love cereal boxes. Every time we finish a box of cereal we find plenty of letters, numbers and even animals to cut out and play with. My daughter thinks it's all a game, but she has learned quite a few things from this little activity. She likes to name them, stack them, make them dance, feed them her food and even play peek-a-boo with them. It's awesome. I now actually appreciate the cool boxes that cereal companies make!

It all started on April 15th, 1983 when I was born into this world. One of my sisters had always wanted a brother. They thought I was going to be a boy. But out I came and surprise! I was a girl. My parents called home and my sister answered the phone. When my mom told her she had a new little sister all she heard was, “Click.” Welcome to the world. I was only a few hours old and had already made my sister mad. If only that had been the last time...
Most people don't even want to imagine what a house full of girls would be like. So let me tell you...it was awesome. I remember the younger years of biting and yelling and driving each other crazy. I even remember a time I was so mad at my sister I wrote mean things all over a page of my journal. Then a few minutes later I tore it out and ripped it to pieces. I just couldn't stay mad at someone I loved so much.

Thinking back on the years floods my mind with memories. Being mistaken for twins and deciding on a birthday so we could just tell people we were. Borrowing my sisters sweater than catching my hair on fire, burning a hole in the shoulder. Being given my own clothes that my sister would take from my closet and wrap up for my birthday. Jumping off the roof into the snow with my big sister and her high school friends. Feeling cool because I was hanging with her. Yelling at my dad because he wasn't coming fast enough when my sister fell off the swing set and broke her arm. Sharing a room and telling jokes late into the night, my sister offering me a dime and then a quarter if I would just be quiet. 

Putting a line of tape down everything in our room to establish which side was mine. Wearing underwear on our heads to bed to keep our curlers from falling out. Cramming into hotel rooms when we were out of town. Being grounded by my sister and actually going to my room like she told me to do. Sitting on the heater vent on cold, winter mornings. My older sister letting us stay up late and jumping over the stair rail when my parents came in the front door. Playing card games. Boys. Frustrating everyone for using all the hot water. Running up the phone bill the first time our parents gave us
our on hotel room when we were on vacation. Going to concerts and games and special events, them always being at mine. Listening to "Summer of 69" while getting ready for school. Being known as so    and so's little sister... feeling special that I was. Sleeping over at my big sisters house when my parents were out of town. Planning parties for my parents birthdays and sharing family vacations. Crying when they left for college. Grateful when they found their man to marry. Praying when their heart was hurt or faced a difficult challenge.
 There is a special strength and security that comes from the love of a sister. I have always looked up to my sisters and wanted to be there for them. I love the life we have shared. Though I don't get to see them much now, I love them everyday. I miss them everyday. I look forward to the times we are together and think of them when we are apart. I want the best for them and their families and pray for that everyday. I wish I could be closer to help them and support them and just spend time together. But knowing we are a family forever is all that really matters. I'm grateful for my eternal friends.
I'm grateful for my sisters.

  

   

I'm grateful for my Dad.

He was the man of our house...literally. 5 daughters and 1 wife. 6 to 1, which really means 6 to 0. I love the quote from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, 

"The man is the head of the house, but the woman is the neck." 

Well, my dad has 6 necks. And it seems like most of our dogs were even female.

I remember so many people saying things like, "A house full of girls...your poor dad!" or "Your poor dad never got a boy" And my dad's response was always the same, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

 I always felt he was proud to be my dad. And I'm proud to be his daughter.

He helped me understand my divine importance as a daughter of God. He taught me how I should be treated as a woman. He taught me that God and Family come first. He often coached me in sports while growing up and the only thing I ever heard him yell was "Run faster!" during a basketball game. I remember when I was very young and our dog was hit by a car and killed. It was the first time I saw him cry. I remember him throwing me over his shoulder like a bag of sugar and carrying me to bed. I remember me and my sister fake sleeping when he was the tooth fairy one night. My mom would have known we were awake, but he didn't. I remember Father's blessings each year before school and other times in my life when needed. I remember sitting on our deck eating dinner as a family and my dad would lean back with his hands behind his head, smile and say, "This is Heaven." He has always provided a roof for my head, food for my mouth, clothes for my body, activities and camps and trips for fun and for learning. But most importantly, he was the priesthood leader of our home. He taught by the power of God. He blessed by the authority of God. 

He led by example and reached out with love. He helped me see the 

woman he knew I could be.

I love you, Dad. Thank you for all you have given to me.

I'm grateful for my Wow.

When I was little our family did something called "Secret Sisters." I come from a family of all girls and we would put all our names (including parents) in a bucket and everyone would draw a name and keep it to themselves and serve that person for one week. I loved it. It was fun to find secret ways to surprise or help others in my family. One night I pulled my paper out of the dish and excitedly unraveled it to reveal the name I had chosen. I read 'wow.' 

"I got WOW!" I proclaimed to the family. "I got WOW!" I was told I was reading it upside down and flipped the paper to find I had 'MOM'. I still thought that was wow and we all had a good laugh about it.

I can't express, nor do I even realize, the blessings I have received from my wonderful mother. She gave me life. She loves and cares for me with every part of her soul. I know this, because I am now a mother, too. As I brought my precious baby into this world I began to realize just how important I am to my own mom. Wow. To think somebody loves me that much. How lucky I am. 

I am grateful my mom always chose our family first. I am grateful she spent long nights and crazy days teaching me and loving me and expecting my best. All the events and carpools and trips and sick days and break downs and excitements and needs and wants...she was always the first to be there for me. There are too many memories to even start listing, but all of them exist because she made them happen. She is the heart and soul of our family and has blessed this world with so much good. Her example and faith and ability to love have taught me each day and will bless me forever.

I love you, Mom. You are my Wow.